Beyonce, Will You Marry ME (and Not Jay-Z)?

Dear Beyonce, 

This might be a little late, since the rumor is that you're gonna marry your long time boyfriend Jay-Z this weekend, but give me a chance.  I'm Roadblock, a writer for Liquid Generation, and I think we'd be great together.  Will you marry me instead?

Hear me out. 

First of all, I think you're really hot.  I mean, wow.  I could watch the music video for "Crazy In Love" 24 hours a day / 7 days a week, and only be turned off when Jay-Z is on screen.  I think that's impressive!

Second, if you agree to be my wife, I will go see movies you're in.  Confession: I haven't seen you in any movies, but I will start.  That's a Roadblock promise! 

Third -- yes, Jay-Z is very rich, so combined with your wealth, you'd become super rich.  I'm not rich at all.  In fact, I live in a studio apartment with an empty refrigerator.  But who knows?  Some day, thanks to the California Lottery, I might become even more rich than Jay-Z.  Then you'll be kicking yourself, saying "why did I marry billionaire Jay-Z, when I could have married quadrillianaire Roadblock?"  If you marry me now, you won't have to regret your decision later!

Forth, I'm aware that Jay-Z is probably the greatest rapper of all-time.  That being said, I've got rhythm myself.  Think you can top that, Jay?

Fifth, even though Jay-Z is probably your soulmate and perfect match, I'm also great!  What about me?!

So, that's my reasoning.  I hope I'm not too late.  Beyonce, will you marry me?  Say "yes." 

No, actually, say "yes," then say, "and Jay-Z is a punk-ass."  That'd be amazing!