1. Sling-Shot Pen
Created
by a 12 year old parolee, Jacob Douglass, the Sling Shot Pen ascended
to popularity in 1997. The slogan, "Tired of school? Shoot somebody
instead" was both blunt and exciting. The pen's success was cut short
after the 'Massacre at Jefferson Middle School' in which 9 students and
1 teacher lost their sight during 6th period Algebra.
2. The Garden Gnome
Created
by Philipp Griebel in Germany, the Garden Gnome was originally designed
to make it's way out of Germany and over to America to piss me off.
Mission accomplished.
3. Helium Kitty
Invented by the dude who put himself into orbit on a lawn chair strapped with 200 Helium balloons, Helium Kitty's success was short-lived. Conceived as a light carry-on pet, Helium Kitty failed when it was discovered that people prefer HELIUM DOGGIE much more because dogs make better pets.
4. Tom Cruise
Created for entertainment purposes in the 1980’s, Tom Cruise served the public well until he became self-aware in late 1999. His final malfunction occurred during the filming of 'War of the Worlds.’ During the film's climactic scene, Tom Cruise was sucked into a spaceship while holding a grenade. Tom was pulled out of the ship...against his will.
5. Sex Bike
I'm sorry, the Sex Bike was supposed to be a part of 'The Best Inventions Ever.' We'll have the mods fix this immediately.
6. Helicopter Ejection Seat
I'm pretty sure the sign says it all here.
7. Acura Apache
Acura’s first strike vehicle. The choice of red didn't help...neither did it's complete inability to, well, fly.
8. Plus-Size Lingerie
The sexy lace, the allure, the hint of something unknown…when it comes to plus-size lingerie, there is no mystery. You know exactly what's under there and it's got a temper. A bad, bad temper.
9. Portable Karaoke
The "Hi-kara" karaoke machine, by Takara Tomy, is a 7-cm (nearly 3-inch) cube of mobile death.
10. Hot-Air Hand Dryers
Give. Me. A. Paper. Towel.
11. Shit Box
Invented
for the 1967 World's Fair in Montreal, the Shit Box hit the fan almost
immediately. Originally intended for use by rednecks at theme parks and
packed beaches, the Shit Box was hailed by subversives as the much
anticipated replacement for the 'flaming bag of poo.' Prior to the
arrival of the Shit Box, vandals were forced to poo in a flimsy bag.
The Shit Box was not only more convenient for the pranksters, but also
more destructive, as the victims shoes tended to get caught inside the
fiery poo-box.